( something about the question makes ash frown, though. arthur is — well he’s the king of camelot. just, fair, and good. some of those words feel applicable, but the goodness inside of maxen ashley colchester is a topic of frequent debate. he’s not sure where he falls on the side of it now, but he knows he isn’t the symbolic vestige of morality and bravery that arthur is meant to be.
in short, he feels a little like a sham with that question in the air, like maybe he should be, but isn’t. )
[He wants to push back. Wants to point out that Ash barely knows a fraction of what he's done before. How he's anything but noble. But he already knows how that conversation would go. Knows that they're both equally as stubborn when they're set in their opinions. And yet somehow, Ash would end up on top.
So he doesn't push. Leaves his response buried, and instead-]
most kings get their positions through blood their people don't really get a choice in following them or not
( it does feel special — the dip in his mood, an ever present depression when ash feels he isn’t doing enough, and the way bucky sweeps that mood away with a wave of his hand. it’s odd to smile, when no one’s around to see it. )
I lied a little, before. There’s another reason why I called you that. It feels … I don’t know what the word is. Strange, I guess. It’s strange to talk about.
[A friend, naturally. Someone he trusts, definitely. But it's more than that. Something that slowly builds with each conversation they have. Each time they meet. Putting a name to it might not be on the cards just yet. But he knows it's only a matter of time.]
i'm not gonna force you but you know you can talk to me about anything ain't gonna judge you no matter what you say
( well. if things are ever going to get serious with bucky, honesty comes hand in hand with that. it’s not like he’s ever outwardly lied, but he has kept things to himself. stayed quiet when his word felt the need to take on a different name, talk about a different person. )
[Because every detail that Ash has shared about himself has been tucked away. Hoarded and protected. Each glimpse of the man he is back home feels too important to dismiss, no matter how small it may seem at the time.]
( it's still strange to put the feelings into words. not that he holds the media's general distaste towards powerful men being in love with other men — not that he's ashamed of embry, or what he feels towards embry, but because he's never really tried to put it into words, before. well. maybe once to the man himself, in their army fatigues and ash's knees in the dirt, asking him to marry him. obviously, that was different. this is bucky. )
I used to call him my little prince. Have you read the book? It's very whimsical, but also melancholy. It reminded me of him. If you met him, you'd understand. I guess I was about as subtle then as I am now.
I met him on my first deployment overseas. We were both Lieutenants at the time, although Embry, and he’d be the first to admit, got the rank as a result of a rich mother in politics. He didn’t take the war especially seriously. That really irritated me. But there was also — immediately, this feeling for him that I’d never felt before, for a man or a woman.
Anyway, he’s a very charming guy, and looks like he belongs on the cover of a magazine. Sort of Darcy-esque, though I think you’re a bit of Darcy yourself. In any case, I think it’s easy to look at him and see a rich, spoiled playboy, but … what really attracted me to him was this deep sadness lingering just out of sight, under the surface. A boy who had everything he could ever want, except the will to find happiness in life. There’s just something about him. I can’t be me and not be in love with him.
[He starts typing out a response. More than just the "i hate you" that goes with Ash ruining one of his favorite books. But instead, he ends up calling. Ends up waiting until Ash picks up to respond with a soft-]
I'm glad that you have someone like that. Someone that makes you happy. You deserve it.
[And sure, he might only know Ash as he presents himself here, in this city. But from everything he's seen, everything they've already shared with each other, he means every single word of it. Ash's happiness matters to him.]
Why's he your Vice President though? Shouldn't he be your First...gentleman?
( ash picks up automatically. he has no opinions on talking on the phone versus texting — but he does like hearing bukcy's voice, gravelly and warm. ash hums, a decent agreement to deserving happiness, although really his thoughts are more complicated on the subject.
to the idea of a first gentleman though — ash laughs, something fairly loud and belly aching for him, a lilt of amusement in his voice. )
You're just assuming he would want to be with me. ( ash knows that, too, is more complicated than he makes it seem, but it isn't really his place to talk about embry's heart, even if it is his place to defend his character. ) He made it clear to me that he thought my role in politics was more important than our ... well, whatever we are to each other. But there was no other option for me, for Vice President. Had to be Embry.
I have a picture of us, if you want to see. We're younger in it. I have less gray.
[Ash may not be able to see it, but he can undoubtedly hear the warmth and outright happiness in his tone that comes from knowing he managed to get Ash to laugh. The man really needs to be able to do it more often.]
I'd like that. Can only guess what you looked like when you were younger.
[Yet another reason why he doesn't see Steve when he looks at Ash.]
You're happy though? Both of you. With what you've got now?
( a picture of a picture buzzes in on bucky's phone, and on it — two men donned in military fatigues, wearing guns over their shoulders, helmets on their heads. even hidden under army green and khaki, the beauty of embry is obvious — standing a few inches taller than ash, he radiates the kind of decadent beauty only a million dollar family and slouchy playboy persona can get you. ash himself looks younger, less burdened, sharing a grin with embry that seems fossilized in boyhood despite that both men are in their twenties. the gray in his hair is gone as promised, along with all the handsome wrinkles. this is a pre-presidency ash. this is a pre-greer ash. it feels like an eternity ago. )
Personally, I'll always want more from him. You know how demanding I can be. ( it's not said flirty, or even like self deprecation — ash knows he asks a lot of his lovers. he knows he always asks for more, and never once for less. ) But he said what we had was enough for him. And — eventually I married Jenny, so I suppose that was the truth. It all stopped then. ( a thoughtful paused. ) Picked up again after she died, though. Make of that what you will, Embry will certainly never tell you.
[His response sounds a little fainter, despite him raising his voice to try and compensate for the fact he's looking down at his screen right now. But while he might not be blind to just why Ash thinks he belongs on a magazine cover, his attention only stays on Embry for a few brief moments. Instead, it's Ash who his eyes are drawn to. The familiar face hidden behind an unfamiliar youth. It's enough to bring a fond look to his face as he quietly saves the image to his own phone.
Until-
He's snapped back to the conversation again with one added piece of the jigsaw that is Ash's life, back home. With the knowledge that Jenny isn't just an ex-wife. That he's a widower, despite just how young he really is. It might not change how he feels towards Ash, but it does leave him feeling a little unsure of how to respond.]
...think that means that his feelings for you haven't changed. Means he probably feels the same way about you as you do about him. Even if he's not said it yet.
[Yeah, he might be speaking from experience here. Sort of.]
Yeah, ( it takes a second, but ash agrees, voice a little soft and a little warm, like a threadbare sweater. ) yeah, I think you're right.
( embry doesn't speak the truth, but that doesn't mean ash doesn't know it. he's seen the lies written in the fine print — noticed pain where embry forces a smile, softness when his break up intimacy with a laugh. embry does love him. but what is love, if you can't claim it?
ash clears his throat, thinking the attention has been on him for too long, and still not fully sure how to feel about discussing other men (or women) with bucky. obviously, he craves honesty, and wants to know every dirty thought that's ever lived in the capacity of bucky's brain. but, well. it feels like downplaying their connection, to discuss the weight of others. )
Well, what about you? ( there's a smile that's obvious in his voice. ) Any paramours back at home I should look out for? Hopeful or otherwise.
( he lets out a light, easy laugh — getting called a centenarian by a ww2 war vet. his sister would have a riot. )
Well, the world's a big place. Full of a lot of weird people. ( see: ash, who's never once been bothered by the violence bucky seems to think he's so inevitably capable of. ) Is it something you want?
Does it matter? It ain't ever gonna be on the cards for me.
[Not after his face was plastered all over the news. Not when being around him is a potential death sentence. No, falling in love, building a family- He lost that chance the moment he fell off the train.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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winter to stop
snap my fingers if i can't talk
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Then yes, little knight. I want.
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[A set of restraints that looked far too much like magcuffs for him to have left in that store.]
why do you call me that?
it's not the first time
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You remind me of a knight. One of King Arthur’s knights, maybe.
Noble, chivalrous, romantic. A real Don Quixote.
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but i think you've got your wires crossed
i'm not any of that
[And because he's got to ask-]
so does that make you arthur?
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You’re all of that and more.
( something about the question makes ash frown, though. arthur is — well he’s the king of camelot. just, fair, and good. some of those words feel applicable, but the goodness inside of maxen ashley colchester is a topic of frequent debate. he’s not sure where he falls on the side of it now, but he knows he isn’t the symbolic vestige of morality and bravery that arthur is meant to be.
in short, he feels a little like a sham with that question in the air, like maybe he should be, but isn’t. )
I like the thought of being your king, at least.
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So he doesn't push. Leaves his response buried, and instead-]
most kings get their positions through blood
their people don't really get a choice in following them or not
that ain't us
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( it does feel special — the dip in his mood, an ever present depression when ash feels he isn’t doing enough, and the way bucky sweeps that mood away with a wave of his hand. it’s odd to smile, when no one’s around to see it. )
I lied a little, before. There’s another reason why I called you that.
It feels … I don’t know what the word is. Strange, I guess. It’s strange to talk about.
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[A friend, naturally. Someone he trusts, definitely. But it's more than that. Something that slowly builds with each conversation they have. Each time they meet. Putting a name to it might not be on the cards just yet. But he knows it's only a matter of time.]
i'm not gonna force you
but you know you can talk to me about anything
ain't gonna judge you
no matter what you say
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Do you remember when I mentioned my VP?
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embry
the soldier you fought with
[Because every detail that Ash has shared about himself has been tucked away. Hoarded and protected. Each glimpse of the man he is back home feels too important to dismiss, no matter how small it may seem at the time.]
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( it's still strange to put the feelings into words. not that he holds the media's general distaste towards powerful men being in love with other men — not that he's ashamed of embry, or what he feels towards embry, but because he's never really tried to put it into words, before. well. maybe once to the man himself, in their army fatigues and ash's knees in the dirt, asking him to marry him. obviously, that was different. this is bucky. )
I used to call him my little prince.
Have you read the book? It's very whimsical, but also melancholy. It reminded me of him. If you met him, you'd understand.
I guess I was about as subtle then as I am now.
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i'd say i'd try to find a copy here
but reading about bilbo being tag-teamed is enough to put me off trying
tell me about him?
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( 😇 )
I met him on my first deployment overseas. We were both Lieutenants at the time, although Embry, and he’d be the first to admit, got the rank as a result of a rich mother in politics. He didn’t take the war especially seriously. That really irritated me. But there was also — immediately, this feeling for him that I’d never felt before, for a man or a woman.
Anyway, he’s a very charming guy, and looks like he belongs on the cover of a magazine. Sort of Darcy-esque, though I think you’re a bit of Darcy yourself. In any case, I think it’s easy to look at him and see a rich, spoiled playboy, but … what really attracted me to him was this deep sadness lingering just out of sight, under the surface. A boy who had everything he could ever want, except the will to find happiness in life. There’s just something about him. I can’t be me and not be in love with him.
audio.
I'm glad that you have someone like that. Someone that makes you happy. You deserve it.
[And sure, he might only know Ash as he presents himself here, in this city. But from everything he's seen, everything they've already shared with each other, he means every single word of it. Ash's happiness matters to him.]
Why's he your Vice President though? Shouldn't he be your First...gentleman?
[That's the term, right?]
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to the idea of a first gentleman though — ash laughs, something fairly loud and belly aching for him, a lilt of amusement in his voice. )
You're just assuming he would want to be with me. ( ash knows that, too, is more complicated than he makes it seem, but it isn't really his place to talk about embry's heart, even if it is his place to defend his character. ) He made it clear to me that he thought my role in politics was more important than our ... well, whatever we are to each other. But there was no other option for me, for Vice President. Had to be Embry.
I have a picture of us, if you want to see. We're younger in it. I have less gray.
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I'd like that. Can only guess what you looked like when you were younger.
[Yet another reason why he doesn't see Steve when he looks at Ash.]
You're happy though? Both of you. With what you've got now?
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Personally, I'll always want more from him. You know how demanding I can be. ( it's not said flirty, or even like self deprecation — ash knows he asks a lot of his lovers. he knows he always asks for more, and never once for less. ) But he said what we had was enough for him. And — eventually I married Jenny, so I suppose that was the truth. It all stopped then. ( a thoughtful paused. ) Picked up again after she died, though. Make of that what you will, Embry will certainly never tell you.
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Until-
He's snapped back to the conversation again with one added piece of the jigsaw that is Ash's life, back home. With the knowledge that Jenny isn't just an ex-wife. That he's a widower, despite just how young he really is. It might not change how he feels towards Ash, but it does leave him feeling a little unsure of how to respond.]
...think that means that his feelings for you haven't changed. Means he probably feels the same way about you as you do about him. Even if he's not said it yet.
[Yeah, he might be speaking from experience here. Sort of.]
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( embry doesn't speak the truth, but that doesn't mean ash doesn't know it. he's seen the lies written in the fine print — noticed pain where embry forces a smile, softness when his break up intimacy with a laugh. embry does love him. but what is love, if you can't claim it?
ash clears his throat, thinking the attention has been on him for too long, and still not fully sure how to feel about discussing other men (or women) with bucky. obviously, he craves honesty, and wants to know every dirty thought that's ever lived in the capacity of bucky's brain. but, well. it feels like downplaying their connection, to discuss the weight of others. )
Well, what about you? ( there's a smile that's obvious in his voice. ) Any paramours back at home I should look out for? Hopeful or otherwise.
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[Using words like paramour. But his tone is light, a tease there regardless.]
I've either tried to kill most of the people I know at some point, or I've hurt someone they care about. Don't exactly leave me with options.
[Not that he was looking. Recovery seemed a little more important.]
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Well, the world's a big place. Full of a lot of weird people. ( see: ash, who's never once been bothered by the violence bucky seems to think he's so inevitably capable of. ) Is it something you want?
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[Not after his face was plastered all over the news. Not when being around him is a potential death sentence. No, falling in love, building a family- He lost that chance the moment he fell off the train.]
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( it’s laced with ash’s brand of utter sincerity — he, at least, believes it’s true. )
It happened here, didn’t it? It could happen anywhere.
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