( not that ash is necessarily offering — not that he isn’t offering, either. people and their wants intrigue him, that’s all. realizing that nothing has to be broken for people to want what they want — for him, to be as he is.
of course, with the next text ash is taken aback. mostly because of the incorrect assumption that this man was injected with a serum to make him fuck a lot — the invasion which upsets his profoundly american ideologies. freedom, the right to choose. being made a weapon is distinctly disturbing, to him.
but also, it’s pretty obvious this man isn’t just talking to the void, and actually meant to text someone specific. someone who knows him. it was probably foolish for ash to assume otherwise, anyway. )
I think you have the wrong number. But I want to know anyway. Who did that to you?
[Wrong number. Just those two words alone are enough to bring him up short. To have the responses stop entirely for the time being. A scroll up, a scan of the messages, and he's torn between being angry at the city and angry at himself. How he didn't pick up on the fact that Sam wouldn't push him to think about before.
And here he is, having a conversation like that with a complete stranger.
Despite it all though, a response does eventually come. Though it's hours later, after he's had a chance to walk away. To think. To process. And to ultimately come to a decision that...he may well live to regret.]
( he waits. part of him is surprised to get a response — part of him is settled, like a tamed cat. a strange mix to feel, with someone who remains a stranger. )
Maxen Ashley Colchester. ( not that it’s part of his identity, but that he thinks it might make him seem more credible — ) President of the United States of America.
I won’t ask who you are, but I want to help. If you won’t leave without goodbye again, I won’t go digging into who you are. Fair?
don't think the title means a whole lot here i could say i'm king of the multiverse and you wouldn't be able to prove me wrong
[The offer is an easy out. A way to separate himself from what's already been said. But with the way this city works, he knows it wouldn't hold up for long. Not with the way they're all being monitored. Controlled. So maybe it's best to just lean in to it.]
I have the lapel pin, if you need convincing. Though, I guess if you showed me a crown, I’d also be convinced. Doesn’t stop any of it from being true.
James, then. I go by Ash when I’m off duty.
( which is actually never, but. he thinks of it as an olive branch. anyway — he could try to think of a decent way to broach the subject, which feels a lot like fighting invisible enemies he doesn’t really know the names of, or he could just hop right in to exactly what he’s been thinking about for the deliberation time. it’s not a hard choice. )
[The message is sent mostly to buy himself some time. A few extra seconds to remind himself of just why he came back to this conversation in the first place.]
no
if it helps and your america is anything like mine last time i had sex before here i was shipped off to fight nazis the next day so i've still got some catching up to do
( at least in that he’s apparently talking to a ww2 soldier — which he has done before, taking pictures for time magazine with wrinkly men with haunted eyes, shaky hands. he gets the impression that’s not who he’s talking to now, if only because he seems to work a phone just fine. )
If you were mine, that’s where we would start. It doesn’t hurt to get hard in one. It just stops you from coming, which is the good kind of pain. Maybe you should try it.
It’s not ownership. Well, it’s not just ownership. It’s you putting yourself willfully in the hands of another person. Not that I’m asking you for that, it’s just the principle of the matter. It’s different, from whatever happened to you.
Sex isn’t all about coming. In fact, coming is just a small part of it. You said you come a lot, right? Imagine building up all those orgasms into one big one. That’s partly why.
[The delay this time is due to him thinking it over again. Trying to figure out just how to respond. He could just brush this all off. Could keep his questions to himself, or take them to one of the few people here he trusts.
But then that means admitting to having this conversation in the first place. Means telling others just how far he's fallen behind over the last seventy-five years. There aren't the same pressures here to be the person they all remember. Here, he can just be.]
i don't know if it works that way never tried it holding off once is difficult enough
[The first part of Ash's message hasn't been ignored. But for a few more moments, there's just the signs of a another message being typed out. Something written and deleted a few times. A sign that he has more to say, but isn't sure how to word it. But at least he's trying?]
it's about control you said you should always have an out though how does that work if someone else is in charge?
You should give it a shot. You might like it. You can let me know how it goes.
( more a suggestion than an order, although he really would prefer to give the latter — it's evident to him that james is more skittish than not, and he isn't interested in making anyone uncomfortable. )
Any person worth sleeping with will respect your limits, and give you an out in the form of a safeword. Something unique to you, that you can say to bring an end to play. If your mouth is otherwise occupied, I like to use snapping. Some people find that easier than speaking aloud.
[It's the last part that gets his attention. That makes him think. Sure, there's a handful of people here that he trusts with his life. That he'd give everything for. But the idea of actually refusing anything they might ask for has never once crossed his mind. They're important to him. So he's never had any reason to question anything they've asked of him before.
Until right now.]
what if you don't know your limits? or if you're used to not being able to say no?
You start small, and push the envelope when you're more comfortable. Let me ask you something. Do you enjoy sex?
( a silly question at face value, but far more worthy of thought than people give credit. ash himself, what feels like ages ago, even thought he was asexual in his youth because he hadn't much liked sex, when the truth was that he only really liked a specific kind of sex, with someone he loved. it's not exactly conductive to living in duplicity — but he imagines the powers that be that brought them here didn't entirely consider sexual preference, sexual comfort, sexual trauma of their citizens. honestly, ash could split a molar with how badly it rubs him. )
If the answer is yes, that's good. It means there's a line between what you like, and what happened to you. We have to find that line, and decide if you want to press up against it, or stay far away from it. It's a personal choice. You have to think about what would be good for you, or at least trust someone else to know. I think talking it out is your best option. In which case — I'm listening. I know it's hard. I could tell you stories about how hard it is.
[It's a question he doesn't really have a straightforward answer to. Before, the answer would've been a resounding yes. Back when the only orders he'd had to follow were his own. But now-]
it depends there's some people here that i care about. i like having sex with them but before i came here it wasn't something i thought about
[There's more typing and deleting. More rewording. If he's gone this far, why hold out now? Especially with an offer like that on the table.]
i was caught. brainwashed they turned me in to their weapon and put me away in cryo till they needed someone gone
only got away from them a few years ago so i'm still figuring out what i like
( ash served in the army. he even rose ranks to major. it was in the war against carpathia, rather than nazi occupied germany — but he's seen terrors, boats lit on fire, the dead faces of teenagers he's killed. he's told mothers you're safe, now in polish, while dragging them away from their burning family homes, dead bodies inside.
one thing he's never done, is been caught. the thought makes his belly drop out, because. carpathian separatists are violent, have the potential to be irrevocably cruel, but they aren't nazis. jesus. )
Do you ever wish you could turn your brain off?
I served. Different war. They've really improved the machine guns, since the 40s. Most of the time I can't sleep, like the sound is still going off in my head. But it goes quiet when I have my focus on someone. When I dom them — not the cheap rendition of it that this city encourages, but the real thing. Taking care. That's my peace. I want you to find peace in it, too. It might not happen, there might be some other solution for you, but it's my hope. Because I can help you with that. And because I want to.
[It's an answer that comes quickly. Something he's wanted from the moment Project Insight failed. From the second he chose to walk away from Hydra and all they'd turned him in to. If he could just turn off his brain, then maybe he could find a way to be a real person again.]
don't think there's a way to fix it [Fix me.] after the stuff i've done it's better that way there's other people here who could use your help more anyway
I don't like doing the easy thing because it's easier. I have gut instinct. I always listen to it. You'll find that I'm pretty hard to shake, once I've convinced myself of something. So. I don't especially care if I should be helping other people. Maybe I will help them. Maybe I'll help everyone. I have every intention of doing the most amount of good that I can with the time I've been given. But I am going to help you, too. You just need to take that first step towards me. I'll cover the rest of it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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how'd you figure that?
the amount of times i come, that sounds like torture
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( he asks, oddly hopeful. )
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don't think putting a lid on it's an option anymore
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In fact, it’s controlled gratification.
It doesn’t appeal? Being told “no” sometimes?
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as long as i've still got an out
[And he could leave it at that. He knows he could. But-]
trying to hold off for too long hurts
there's a reason i can't stop at just once
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But not all pain is bad.
( though obviously — the last part of this message is the most intriguing, with ash apparently talking to a nonstop cum factory of a person. )
What’s the reason?
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[Pain was only ever for punishment, and he was an outlet for it.]
call it another perk of the serum
what use is a weapon if it needs to rest?
no subject
( not that ash is necessarily offering — not that he isn’t offering, either. people and their wants intrigue him, that’s all. realizing that nothing has to be broken for people to want what they want — for him, to be as he is.
of course, with the next text ash is taken aback. mostly because of the incorrect assumption that this man was injected with a serum to make him fuck a lot — the invasion which upsets his profoundly american ideologies. freedom, the right to choose. being made a weapon is distinctly disturbing, to him.
but also, it’s pretty obvious this man isn’t just talking to the void, and actually meant to text someone specific. someone who knows him. it was probably foolish for ash to assume otherwise, anyway. )
I think you have the wrong number.
But I want to know anyway. Who did that to you?
no subject
And here he is, having a conversation like that with a complete stranger.
Despite it all though, a response does eventually come. Though it's hours later, after he's had a chance to walk away. To think. To process. And to ultimately come to a decision that...he may well live to regret.]
no one who's in this city
who are you?
no subject
Maxen Ashley Colchester. ( not that it’s part of his identity, but that he thinks it might make him seem more credible — ) President of the United States of America.
I won’t ask who you are, but I want to help.
If you won’t leave without goodbye again, I won’t go digging into who you are. Fair?
no subject
i could say i'm king of the multiverse and you wouldn't be able to prove me wrong
[The offer is an easy out. A way to separate himself from what's already been said. But with the way this city works, he knows it wouldn't hold up for long. Not with the way they're all being monitored. Controlled. So maybe it's best to just lean in to it.]
i just go by james though
less of a mouthful
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Though, I guess if you showed me a crown, I’d also be convinced. Doesn’t stop any of it from being true.
James, then.
I go by Ash when I’m off duty.
( which is actually never, but. he thinks of it as an olive branch. anyway — he could try to think of a decent way to broach the subject, which feels a lot like fighting invisible enemies he doesn’t really know the names of, or he could just hop right in to exactly what he’s been thinking about for the deliberation time. it’s not a hard choice. )
Have you ever used a cock ring?
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sorry
[The message is sent mostly to buy himself some time. A few extra seconds to remind himself of just why he came back to this conversation in the first place.]
no
if it helps and your america is anything like mine
last time i had sex before here i was shipped off to fight nazis the next day
so i've still got some catching up to do
no subject
( at least in that he’s apparently talking to a ww2 soldier — which he has done before, taking pictures for time magazine with wrinkly men with haunted eyes, shaky hands. he gets the impression that’s not who he’s talking to now, if only because he seems to work a phone just fine. )
If you were mine, that’s where we would start.
It doesn’t hurt to get hard in one. It just stops you from coming, which is the good kind of pain.
Maybe you should try it.
no subject
[Well, as long as he has a choice. But he fought to be free, and he isn't about to go back to that willingly.]
what's the point in getting hard if you can't come?
kinda seems
counterproductive
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It’s you putting yourself willfully in the hands of another person. Not that I’m asking you for that, it’s just the principle of the matter.
It’s different, from whatever happened to you.
Sex isn’t all about coming. In fact, coming is just a small part of it.
You said you come a lot, right? Imagine building up all those orgasms into one big one.
That’s partly why.
1/2
But then that means admitting to having this conversation in the first place. Means telling others just how far he's fallen behind over the last seventy-five years. There aren't the same pressures here to be the person they all remember. Here, he can just be.]
i don't know if it works that way
never tried it
holding off once is difficult enough
no subject
it's about control
you said you should always have an out though
how does that work if someone else is in charge?
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You can let me know how it goes.
( more a suggestion than an order, although he really would prefer to give the latter — it's evident to him that james is more skittish than not, and he isn't interested in making anyone uncomfortable. )
Any person worth sleeping with will respect your limits, and give you an out in the form of a safeword. Something unique to you, that you can say to bring an end to play.
If your mouth is otherwise occupied, I like to use snapping. Some people find that easier than speaking aloud.
no subject
Until right now.]
what if you don't know your limits?
or if you're used to not being able to say no?
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Let me ask you something.
Do you enjoy sex?
( a silly question at face value, but far more worthy of thought than people give credit. ash himself, what feels like ages ago, even thought he was asexual in his youth because he hadn't much liked sex, when the truth was that he only really liked a specific kind of sex, with someone he loved. it's not exactly conductive to living in duplicity — but he imagines the powers that be that brought them here didn't entirely consider sexual preference, sexual comfort, sexual trauma of their citizens. honestly, ash could split a molar with how badly it rubs him. )
If the answer is yes, that's good. It means there's a line between what you like, and what happened to you.
We have to find that line, and decide if you want to press up against it, or stay far away from it. It's a personal choice. You have to think about what would be good for you, or at least trust someone else to know.
I think talking it out is your best option. In which case — I'm listening. I know it's hard.
I could tell you stories about how hard it is.
( as much an offer as it is a consolation. )
no subject
it depends
there's some people here that i care about. i like having sex with them
but before i came here it wasn't something i thought about
[There's more typing and deleting. More rewording. If he's gone this far, why hold out now? Especially with an offer like that on the table.]
i was caught. brainwashed
they turned me in to their weapon and put me away in cryo till they needed someone gone
only got away from them a few years ago so i'm still figuring out what i like
no subject
one thing he's never done, is been caught. the thought makes his belly drop out, because. carpathian separatists are violent, have the potential to be irrevocably cruel, but they aren't nazis. jesus. )
Do you ever wish you could turn your brain off?
I served. Different war.
They've really improved the machine guns, since the 40s. Most of the time I can't sleep, like the sound is still going off in my head.
But it goes quiet when I have my focus on someone. When I dom them — not the cheap rendition of it that this city encourages, but the real thing. Taking care. That's my peace.
I want you to find peace in it, too. It might not happen, there might be some other solution for you, but it's my hope. Because I can help you with that. And because I want to.
no subject
[It's an answer that comes quickly. Something he's wanted from the moment Project Insight failed. From the second he chose to walk away from Hydra and all they'd turned him in to. If he could just turn off his brain, then maybe he could find a way to be a real person again.]
don't think there's a way to fix it [Fix me.]
after the stuff i've done it's better that way
there's other people here who could use your help more anyway
no subject
So. I don't especially care if I should be helping other people. Maybe I will help them. Maybe I'll help everyone. I have every intention of doing the most amount of good that I can with the time I've been given.
But I am going to help you, too. You just need to take that first step towards me. I'll cover the rest of it.
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