"but finding new ways to hurt you is always so pretty to me, little prince. "
WHAT WENT WRONG
► adopted ► joined military ► had sex with sister ► rejected proposal ► met an old sorcerer ► became president ► rejected proposal x2 ► dead wife ► does not own any cows
RED FLAGS
► incest ► trained dom daddy ► safewords not required ► only eats unseasoned chicken ► gray bedsheets
GREEN FLAGS
► democrat but better ► old romantic ► likes books ► oral sex ► literally king arthur
"your honor, i stand before you accused of being sweet."
WHAT WENT WRONG
► homophobic father ► caught giving his tennis bf a blowie by above ► got tennis bf killed by following him into the army ► unofficially adopted/mentored by senator smith ► senator smith killed himself after son lenny was outed
RED FLAGS
► republican ► deeply closeted homosexual ► high functioning alcoholic ► smoker ► emotionally unavailable ► untrained one-off dom daddy extraordinaire ► can pass a lie detector test with flying colors ► knows where all the bodies are buried bc he buried them ► broke tim laughlin's heart
GREEN FLAGS
► war hero ► speaks 3 languages ► solid political network + plenty of favors to call in ► wickedly charming + stunningly good-looking ► good taste in scotch, cars, clothes + pretty brunette boys ► excellent gift-giver ► knows where all the bodies are buried bc he buried them
► strict, conservative catholic upbringing ► cruel father, distant mother, sheltered sister ► haggled his way through community college ► took internship with lecherous senator ► doubt doubt doubt ► met and fell for hawkins fuller ► abandoned by God and hawk ► quit job, joined the army ran away ► charmed a president ► stopped believing he could be somebody
RED FLAGS
► devout catholic (in spite of himself) ► sheltered upbringing ► idealistic to a fault ► loves deeply, wholly, without hesitation ► lacks personal boundaries ► believed that hawkins fuller could love him ► prefers hot milk to coffee
GREEN FLAGS
► an avid reader ► a collector of old books ► hopeless romantic ► curator of comfy clothes ► secretly ripped under said comfy clothes ► friend to all, enemy to none ► a well of all things politics & knowledge ► a bad liar ► unapologetically genuine ► prefers hot milk to coffee
”you shouldn’t love me. you shouldn’t. you shouldn’t.”
WHAT WENT WRONG
► joined the military and met ash colchester ► fell in love with ash colchester ► rejected marriage proposal from ash colchester ► can’t stop fucking ash colchester ► elected vice president and now back in the closet
RED FLAGS
► accomplished liar ► masochist ► has a death wish ► copes by drinking and fucking ► trained submissive who doesn’t know how to submit ► emotionally fucked up and self-aware about it ► 85% chance of starting an international war at all times ► loyal to the point that he’ll sacrifice any part of himself for you
GREEN FLAGS
► loves reading and lit crit ► looks like the paperback cover of a regency romance novel ► snowdrop winter blue eyes ► sculpted like a greek statue ► can waltz and will teach you ► sex-positive switch ► eats cunt and cock with equal enthusiasm ► loyal to the point that he’ll sacrifice any part of himself for you
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